


Best-Laid Plans

by storm_of_sharp_things



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: I was not asked to recommend tea but this is pretty damn good stuff, M/M, Overworked Q, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?, forced holiday, kidnapping with the best of intentions, loving abduction, mischievious agents, no really, private tropical island, technology break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26451790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storm_of_sharp_things/pseuds/storm_of_sharp_things
Summary: An overworked Q needs a holiday but refuses to take one. James and Alec decide to treat it like a mission. The problem? Well, you know the old saying “To a hammer, everything looks like a nail”? To a couple of double-ohs, kidnapping looks like the ideal solution to a stubborn and cranky quartermaster. What could possibly go wrong?A Fest 2020 prize for mr_quartermaster!Now with gorgeous art by Le Alien, posted at the bottom!@aliensdoodlesson Tumblr and@Dramaticatarton Twitter!
Relationships: James Bond/Q/Alec Trevelyan
Comments: 16
Kudos: 92





	Best-Laid Plans

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mr_quartermaster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mr_quartermaster/gifts).



“Damnit, why is there no Earl Grey left?” Q slammed the cupboard door in the break room with unnecessary force and stormed out. James looked up from his coffee to frown after him.

“Identify the problem and brainstorm a solution,” Alec interjected before James could open his mouth.

“You sound like you’re reading out of a training manual.”

Alec smirked. “I did offer to help rewrite them when M sent me to ‘sensitivity training’ but for some reason HR didn’t take me up on it.” Alec gave him a carefully crafted ‘poor innocent me’ look before letting it slip into a snicker. James snorted despite himself; Alec was, as always, adept at derailing a conversation or a train of thought.

“Anyway,” Alec continued, “we already know what the problem is.” He paused expectantly.

“Our quartermaster’s in a bad mood?”

“James, I’m disappointed. That’s the symptom, not the cause.”

“Well, he’s taken on too much...”

Alec nodded. “And he doesn’t take breaks unless we make him...” He raised an eyebrow, waiting.

James leaned back in his chair. “You think kidnapping our quartermaster and forcing him to take a holiday is a _good_ idea?”

Alec grinned. “No, I think kidnapping our lover and taking him somewhere with no internet and then shagging him into oblivion is a fan-bloody- _tastic_ idea. Maybe somewhere with a beach, yeah?”

James considered that, letting a matching grin spread across his face. “I’ll go talk to M, you sort out Q branch.”

“Done and done!”

* * *

Both of Mallory’s eyebrows rose toward his hairline at James’ proposal. “You’re quite serious...well, it’s your funeral, but please tell Q not to try to bring back proof of your death. For the collective dignity of MI6, we’d prefer to list you both as missing, presumed dead, rather than having to document whatever Q dreams up as vengeance.”

James snorted. “Such a lack of faith in the judgement and capabilities of your two finest double-ohs?”

M gave him a look from under his eyebrows. “You are intending to forcibly remove our quartermaster, a technological genius and someone who has probably been digitally connected from birth, from access to his systems in pursuit of some ideal of relaxation. _Yes,_ I freely admit to a lack of faith and I am absolutely questioning your judgement.”

“The science shows that those who are most involved with technology need to take at least occasional breaks. Rather like a detox, I’m given to understand.”

M leaned back in his chair. “Tell me, Bond, did you ‘enjoy’ those occasional ‘breaks’ you’ve had imposed on you in the past in an attempt to ‘help’ with your therapeutic alcoholism?”

“...er...”

“As I thought.” M sighed. “Well, I can’t realistically stop you, and he is due for a holiday, but do try not to break our quartermaster, 007.”

* * *

“You want to _what?”_ R asked Alec incredulously, her voice rising enough to lift heads around Q branch.

Alec made a shushing motion. “You think Q doesn’t need a break? He’s never offline except to sleep and even then his cell is always within arm’s reach.”

“Because that’s our _job,_ Trevelyan.”

“Yes, but not 24/7/365. It’s not expected or reasonable to be ‘on’ all the time. Hell, even double-ohs are forced to take leave if we won’t do it voluntarily between missions.”

R scrubbed her face. “Yes, but we don’t try to fight your adrenaline addiction by strapping you to a chair and forcing you to knit.”

Alec scowled and put his hands on R’s desk to loom at her. “Look...”

She raised an eyebrow. “Trevelyan, if you don’t want your credit rating slashed and your car repossessed, remove your hands from my desk.”

His immediately lifted them. “My deepest apologies, R, that was an incredibly stupid thing to do and I already regret it more than you know.” He gave her a tentative and hopeful smile, a pale shade of his usual charm.

She snickered. “Your face... Well. Yes, we could do without him for a couple of weeks, but all consequences for this will fall entirely on you and Bond, you understand? We can cover his absence but I will deny ever knowing about this if it comes back on us.”

* * *

“We’re good to go,” Alec said with a disgruntled huff as he dropped onto the break room sofa next to James, “but I have to admit I had to work harder for it than I expected. You’d think they’d be more considerate about Q’s needs.”

James snorted. “Mallory was alarmingly dubious about our plans. As if we had no idea how to handle our Q.”

Alec tapped his thumb against his mouth thoughtfully. “Yes...”

“You’re not doubting our plan, are you?”

“...no...”

“You are! You’re having second thoughts!”

“No, I’m not! It’s a perfect plan! It will absolutely work and have exactly the results we are intending!”

* * *

“This was a terrible plan!” Alec shouted as he jogged toward the parking garage, the struggling quartermaster over his shoulder.

James shoved a door open and tossed a reassuring smile at a startled staffer. “You said you had this bit worked out!” he hissed.

“I said it would be no trouble! I didn’t expect him to refuse to come out to lunch! Ow! He’s biting me!” Alec tried to shift Q to the other shoulder but Q took advantage of his slipping grip to wriggle free. James cautiously circled around behind him, watching for an opening.

“Some of us have work to do, you idiots!” Q shouted. “Although if you had _told_ me how important this was to you, I would’ve made time!”

James and Alec both stopped dead. “You would have?”

“Of course I would have!”

The two agents looked at each other in chagrin. “We didn’t think you’d agree to go,” James said uncertainly.

“I’m busy but I’m not too busy for some time with you two.” Q put his hands on his hips, glaring at his two abashed lovers. “For fuck’s sake, you didn’t have to kidnap me for _lunch!”_

Alec blinked. “Lunch. Yes. You’re right. It was a ridiculous idea, kidnapping you for lunch.” He and James shared a quick look.

“Exactly,” Q huffed, stepping past them toward Alec’s car. “So let’s get some lunch and I’ll _try_ to enjoy a little time away from the office.”

* * *

“Alec.” Q’s voice held an ominous tone. Alec threw him an apprehensive glance, gripping the wheel a bit. The quartermaster had finally looked up from his tablet and was taking in the scenery through the car windows. “There is a distinct lack of restaurants in my immediate gaze. In fact, there is a distinct lack of city buildings at all.”

James reached forward to tap Q’s arm. “Hand me your tablet, will you? I’ve got a cleaning cloth back here and it’s looking a bit smudgy.”

Q absently handed it back, and James tucked it away in the suitcase they’d brought along, locking it securely. Q’s cell phone, pickpocketed earlier, had already been added to the small stash, which also included the laptop Q had brought along in his messenger bag.

Q turned to frown at him. “What are you doing? Give that back.”

“Now Q...” James started.

Q’s eyes narrowed. _“What_ are you...Alec, pull this car off the road right now.”

“Now Q...” Alec said soothingly.

The quartermaster scrabbled at his pockets. “Where is my cell...if you think for one moment I don’t have any control over a car _I_ issued to you...” He stopped searching and turned a steely look on James. “You took... _I demand an explanation immediately.”_

Alec met James’ eyes in the rearview mirror. “Plan B?”

“Plan B,” James affirmed grimly as he pulled on a respirator. Alec hauled one on as well and nudged a button under the dash with his toe, releasing a cloud of quick-acting knockout gas. Q’s jaw dropped and he managed one dire growl before passing out. After a carefully counted pause Alec rolled the windows down to clear the air. There was a lengthy silence.

“This is not how I hoped this would go,” Alec finally said.

“...at least we didn’t have to resort to plans C through H?” James offered weakly.

* * *

Q stood naked in the shade of a palm tree while he shouted at them. “You borrowed a _private island_ for these shenanigans? With no _internet?_ Are you both _insane?”_

“Q,” Alec began smoothly. “Can we discuss this?”

“Discuss this? _Discuss?_ The time for _discussion_ has long since passed, Alec. In fact, the appropriate time for _discussion_ would have been _before_ you actually kidnapped me, I think.” He froze and his eyes narrowed dangerously. “There was an airplane involved, wasn’t there?”

“A small private jet,” James admitted. “And then a helicopter.” Q’s glare intensified.

“I’m an extremely good pilot,” Alec sniffed. “We wouldn’t trust your safety to anyone else.”

“That’s not the _point_...oh, bloody hell. A helicopter? That means there’s no boat, is there? _What is wrong with the two of you?”_ Q turned and strode off toward the residence, staying to the shade. James and Alec left their beach loungers and followed, trying not to be too distracted by the enticing way Q’s arse jiggled slightly as he stomped along the path. They were naked themselves in the warm tropical climate but that was nothing unusual for them. Q, on the other hand, tended to chill easily at home and was rarely unclothed for long outside of bed. They’d thought an equatorial island would be ideal for him.

“It was a good idea to strip him and slather him with sunscreen,” Alec whispered.

“Mmm,” James agreed. “Really, it was quite thoughtful of us.”

_“I can hear you,”_ Q shouted without turning around.

Once inside the airy residence, Q immediately headed for the kitchen. “Where is the tea? You idiots had better have brought along decent tea.”

James quickly opened a cupboard. “Storm Tea’s handcrafted organic Earl Grey tea, Harington Estate, loose leaf _and_ pyramids, as you prefer. As well as several other varieties, should you wish a change.”

Alec nodded. “And a quite robust supply of milk and cream, lemon and sugar and honey. Whatever you like. We’ve laid in an abundance of good food and all your favorite snacks.”

Q blinked and they sidled closer to sandwich him between them, one behind and one in front as usual. James gently nudged Q’s head to one side and kissed below his ear. “We just wanted to give you a break, a little time to rest and be indulged,” he murmured.

“Some time to be spoiled properly,” Alec growled in the other ear, his hands sliding down Q’s sides to grasp his hips.

Q exhaled unevenly, arching against their bodies. “That...does sound enticing,” he breathed. He inhaled with a shudder as they nibbled along his shoulders, their fingers wickedly wandering, and he rubbed his hips between theirs, prompting several deep pleased noises from his two lovers.

And then he pushed away from them, taking several steps toward the lone bedroom. “And you will have all night to plan said indulgences since you’ll be sleeping on the beach. Enjoy!”

He slammed the bedroom door and audibly locked it, leaving Alec and James bereft in the kitchen.

“He might still be a bit peeved,” Alec said, rueful.

* * *

They resorted to noisy sex out on the beach chairs that night, making no effort to quiet themselves, hoping that Q might relent and come join in. Q did indeed emerge, but not until they were just finished and then he only poured a bowlful of cold water over them before stomping back into the house.

In the morning, they made sure to set out an array of tempting pastries and fruit and the makings for tea before going for a swim in the warm ocean. When they came inside after, they found Q sitting cross-legged on the sofa with his liberated laptop, a cup of tea and pain au chocolat beside him, busily typing away.

They exchanged a look. “He’s a clever boffin who’s perfectly capable of picking the locks,” Alec said. “But we know he can’t be connected and he seems to have missed the entire point of a holiday.”

Q sniffed in disdain. “It is absolutely a holiday to be able to work without interruptions.” He gave them a dire look over the rim of the glasses that had slipped enticingly down his nose. “I don’t _have_ to be online for this although it is rather inconvenient. _However,”_ he growled, his glare sharpening, “do _not_ assume that you are forgiven. How long are you planning to keep me in this digitally-barren hellhole?” He held up a warning finger as James opened his mouth. “Bearing in mind that any number of days higher than two, including yesterday and today, is unacceptable.”

Alec burst out laughing and flopped onto the sofa, shoving the computer aside to bury his face in Q’s naked lap. James rescued the laptop and deposited it safely on a nearby table, turning back to savor the sight of Q moaning, clutching at Alec as he nuzzled along Q’s cock. James slid his hands into Q’s hair and tugged his head back for a kiss, breathing in the soft noises he made as Alec teased him.

“Two weeks,” James murmured with a mischievous smile, silencing Q’s half-hearted protest with another kiss. “Two weeks of our full attention, with no interruptions, no emergencies, no responsibilities.”

Q sighed against his mouth, relaxing into their touch for a long moment, and then he let slip a tiny unhappy sound, tugging at Alex’s shoulder. “Wait...wait...Alec, _stop_.”

Alec quickly moved away to prop himself up and examine Q’s face with worry. James came around to sit on Q’s other side, his concern sharp as a knife in his gut.

Q sighed again and shook his head. “No, I’m all right. I just...wanted to see if you would still listen to me. I haven’t exactly had a say in any of this, after all.” He waved a hand to indicate their surroundings and managed to produce a tiny scowl.

Alec let a faint guilty expression cross his face. “But you needed it. And would you have agreed if we’d asked?”

“We’ll never know now, will we?” He let a hint of an acerbic tone slip back into his voice.

Q was only gently chiding, James decided as he took Q’s hands and dropped kisses in the palms. “I can’t say we’re sorry we did it, love, but you’re right that we should have asked first, kidnapped later.”

“Or not kidnapped at all!” Q was fully scowling now. “You _gassed_ me!”

Alec smirked, unrepentant about their plan. “You should be proud — that was sheer panic on our part.”

Q scoffed but let a tiny smile curl up the corner of his mouth. “I suppose I should have known what I was in for when I started a relationship with you two.”

James shifted to sit sideways on the sofa and spread his legs, pulling the quartermaster back against him. Alec pushed Q’s knees apart and resettled between them. “If it helps, we cleared it with M and R first.”

“Of course you did,” Q sighed with resignation. “Because it’s not at all a bizarre mixture of responsibility and utter idiocy.” He was silent for a moment, shifting a little as Alec slowly traced patterns on the sensitive skin of his hip. “I would have refused to take a holiday,” he finally admitted.

“Likely,” James said, rubbing slow soothing circles over Q’s stomach.

“That’s not justification for kidnapping!”

James chuckled. “No, that was just fun for us.”

“For the most part,” Alec amended with a wicked grin.

“I don’t appreciate being manhandled!”

“Yes, you do,” Alec countered, beginning a trail of kisses and nips along the inside of Q’s thigh.

“Mmm...not like that...in that situation...”

Alec cupped Q’s balls gently and looked up at him. “Are we forgiven?”

“That’s...hah...entirely unfair.” Q tried to glare while James kissed behind his ear. “No _,_ you’re _not_ forgiven yet, don’t you dare stop.”

“So we might possibly make it up to you?” James murmured in his ear, shifting his hips against Q’s back, his own cock swelling between them.

With a breathless laugh, Q squirmed back against him. “You can try.” He gasped as Alec took him into his mouth, his tongue teasing little strokes. “It’s going to take more than a little...mmmm...foreplay, I can tell you that.”

Alec lifted his head and grinned wickedly. “Well, we’ll certainly make the attempt. And when you’ve forgiven us, you can tell us and we’ll stop.”

Q laughed and shoved his head back down. “Better get on with it then. Might take days. Weeks even.”

James held his hips a little tighter against him. “We’ll strive to keep you from being bored.”

“A difficult proposition,” Q gasped, his head falling back into James’ shoulder. “There’s only the two of you to distract me from missing an entire Internet...”

Alec and James shared a look and laughed. “Challenge accepted, quartermaster.”


End file.
